I Chose My Scars, Not My Wounds

stonybrookphoto-52

 

        My left wrist holds the only remaining visible signs of my eating disorder. A patch of abstract light pink lines. Self-harm scars. Physical marks of the battle I fought with anorexia.

Continue reading “I Chose My Scars, Not My Wounds”

Advertisements

Recovery and the Art of Not Knowing

 

“Only when he no longer knows what he is doing does the painter do good things.” – Edgar Degas

The paintings of impressionist artists have taught me how to live.

I could spend hours staring at the works of Renoir, Degas, and Monet.

The interest I have for these artists and their work began in middle school art class when I learned impressionism can be identified by several unique characteristics:

Continue reading “Recovery and the Art of Not Knowing”

The Gift of Recovery – Moving Beyond ‘I’m Sorry’

 

 

We ask our loved ones to help us for many reasons – a ride home from the eye doctor, a home-cooked meal after we’ve had the flu, an extra $20 until our next paycheck.

Those are the debts we can repay easily, the kinds of favors that leave us with a warm, fuzzy feeling.

What about when you can’t ask for help? When you don’t want help? When the help you need is long term?

People with mental illnesses or addictions often feel this way. I did during my recovery from anorexia nervosa.

Continue reading “The Gift of Recovery – Moving Beyond ‘I’m Sorry’”

Life Sucks Sometimes and I am Grateful

michaels heart.jpg

For many people happiness stands on a pedestal, while other emotions fall far below.

But danger lies in thinking this way. It leads to the idea that feeling other emotions indicates a lower quality of life.

 That’s not true.

A full and vibrant life requires the full spectrum of emotions – pleasant and unpleasant.

I know because I have lived through feeling nothing at all – even when surrounded by those who love me.

Continue reading “Life Sucks Sometimes and I am Grateful”

I Didn’t Take a Year Off and Neither Should You

 

IMG_2296

My recovery required that I stop doing two of the things I loved most. I couldn’t go to school and I couldn’t do any cardio activities. I was pissed. I was angry and sorry for myself and I couldn’t understand why those two things had to be taken from me.

I remember thinking, “How will I survive quitting running and school? How can I ever be successful?”

Continue reading “I Didn’t Take a Year Off and Neither Should You”

You WILL Screw Up

recovery-diagram-sane

This semester has been a challenge for me academically. I have had to start two additional blogs for my already writing heavy classes and regularly post content to them– which is honestly why I have not posted here lately #oops.

I love it. I know that I am learning a lot.

Yet I still sometimes cry my eyes out at 1 a.m. in frustration at all of the work I have to do.

Why? Because learning freaking hurts. 

Continue reading “You WILL Screw Up”

What Not to Say This Holiday Season

For most people, the holidays are wonderful. They are full of  family, friends, laughter and love.

For people who struggle with things such as illness, anxiety, eating disorders, self-harm, and familial difficulties, the holidays can bring tremendous stress and anxiety.

home-alone-kevin-scream-run-away

 

The best way to help everyone have a stress-less holiday season is to be conscious of what comes out of our mouths- shocker, I know.  It is easier said than done, though. I have compiled a list of things NOT to say this holiday season. Many of them are seemingly normal. They are ingrained in our culture and I hear them WAY too often and I even catch  myself saying them sometimes… without even realizing it.

Continue reading “What Not to Say This Holiday Season”

Because We Are Door-Holders

college-photo_1569

One of my professors recently asked my class the following questions:

1. What made you choose St. Bonaventure?

2. What are the similarities of the people who are in the “Bona-Bubble” (the Bonaventure community)?

My answer to both of these questions is the same and I didn’t even have to think about it: I go to St. Bonaventure because we are all door-holders.

Continue reading “Because We Are Door-Holders”